martes, 29 de enero de 2013

How much for HAPPINESS?



With Happiness, Relationships, Career, Wealth, Health, Friendships and so much more, it all comes down to how you answer this one simple question “How much are you prepared to give up for this?”. 

It might not be the nicest way of looking at it, but sure is a very true and practical one!

Just think about it – how much easier does it make it for us to decide just how much we want or need something when it has a real price tag?

There you are, browsing around the different shops in search of that perfect pair of black shoes. Sure, you want the Best, the nicest leather, quality, shape, design, fashionable, yet comfortable, etc. So, you look, you try on, you admire, you ponder. 




Of course a high price is neither a requirement nor an indicator that you´ll find that perfect paid. BUT, it does help you navigate through all the choices. And, like it not, very often a high price tag does offer you the most you could ever ask for. Just think if it wasn´t a factor. 

With shopping for price-marked items, it´s easy. You know exactly what you have to give up to acquire those perfect shoes or a holiday. And so, with other things in life, which allegedly “you can´t put a price on” and are “priceless”, we struggle. We struggle to realise its price and, consequently, its value, because let´s face another not-such-nice truth: the two are, indeed related, at least in majority of cases.

Yet, EVEYRYTHING, yes, EVERY single thing, including those “priceless” things like happiness and promotion at work, all have a price to pay.



What could be the price for a new relationship? What would you have to give up? Be honest! We´ve all become too politically correct and sensitive to be brutally honest about some things. So, what would you have to give up? A LOT! It doesn´t mean that they´re all great things that you would miss, or that you don´t want to “give them up”. Yet it helps so much knowing what they are. Time. Selfishness. Energy. Commitment. Some “friendships” (yep, as wrong as it sounds, there will be some “friends” that just won´t fit into your new relationship-full life), independence, the thrill of meeting “someone new”, the mystery and adventure of single life.... and so much more! You´ll now have to share your and their friends, families, and compromise on holidays, movies, food and more! This is just the beginning. Of course we always talk about the benefits of being in love and in a great relationships, we all know those, and, obviously, it outweighs the “losses” and is worth its “price tag”, for most people. But still, so many go in search of it, blindly unaware of what they have to give up to become one part of a smug happy couple.

The same with everything – You want that sports car? That puppy? That girlie holiday? That hot body? That lifestyle? That business? Do you know what you have to give up to get it? And now that ultimate question – are you prepared to give it up? Is it worth it?



Maybe you´re now in the process of realising, that some of your wishes and objectives are not actually worth it. That you´re not prepared to give up that time, money, energy, effort, etc that is necessary to get it or keep it. Just know also, that you´re choosing something else – those 3 hours of TV soap watching a day are costing you – you´re giving up a lot to have it. You´re giving up some great hobbies, quality time with your friends or family, getting fitter, earning money etc. 

Everyone has their own preferences, objectives, priorities and values. The beautiful thing is that none of us are the same. 



I realise writing this blog entry has cost me x, y & z – things that I gave up in order to do it. It´s my choice. Many people would never understand it. Yet many of those people are also the same ones as want to feel fulfilled and improve their communication and rapport with their clients. They may prefer to spend that hour in the gym. 

The point is that we all need to become much more conscious that every indecision is actually, in face a decision. That every time you want something, you need to ask yourself if you´re prepared to give up what it takes to get it. If you are, go ahead and commit yourself to “give it up” , to “pay its price”. If you´re not, strike it off your wish-list, at least for now. Why? Because it will liberate you, it will take the weight off your shoulders on unfulfilled dreams, of feeling of failure, of a long list of objectives that are not getting done. It will also free you up to go and get all those great things that ARE worth the sacrifice that they require. 



One thing most people find very hard to resist is that instant gratification that so often stands in their way of fulfilling their goals and dreams. We say we want to be in a happy relationship, yet so many people “stray” and ruin their chances. We say we want to be healthy, yet that cigarette in the moment of weakness with a glass of wine is stronger than our willpower. So, be very very specific when you´re talking about what you´re prepared to give up. Because it very much includes all those temptations of instant gratification!



Now enjoy whatever are your choices, you´ve given up a lot for them, so cherish what your achievements – be it wealth, a hot body, popular social life, love of your life, parenthood, pets, etc!!

jueves, 1 de noviembre de 2012

5 Reasons why people DON´T LIKE YOU!

This is one of those topics that many of us think about but it seems to be a Taboo, especially now, in the digital age of have 3 gazillion Facebook friends and 2.7 quadrillian of followers on Twitter, all of whom constantly "like" you and your posts.

We´re told left, right and centre that we shouldn´t worry about, or even mention, people who don´t like us, and instead, concentrate on those that do. Me here included!

But, the truth is that our mind is automatically drawn like bees to honey, to the negatives and to any critics, as much as we tell it to focus on the positives. Of course, the degree of that attraction, and more importantly, the time it "stays" there, depends on how well we train it to.



Still, this isn´t my point in this blog entry. This one is dedicated to the clandestino wonderings of our naughty mind into the deep and dark taboo of "Why don´t they like me??".

Some of us resort to extremes like dying our hair, buying gifts and paying endless compliments, all in the name of "changing their minds" about us, yet all to no avail. So, WHY?? Why are some people so set on disliking us?

1. Envy- this one is a very obvious and well known one. With a little twist. On top of being envious of our wealth/partner/social life/figure/job/travel etc, it is actually more about being convinced that THEY deserve it much more than we do. That surely, someone with THEIR background/language skills/popularity etc deserves that more than we do. "How DARE you have THAT job if you didn´t have all the family connections that I did??" / "How on earth do you have THAT figure if you eat chocolate every time I see you and I barely eat 2 celery sticks a day and still don´t have that waistline??"

2. Rejection - you refuse to join them in something / agree to something they want. They suggested a travel trip some time ago and you said NO. You had the most valid reasons in the whole wide world. You thought you explained it in the nicest possible way. They elegantly said "Not to worry, no problem at all, of course I understand". Well, you SHOULD worry. It IS a problem and they do NOT understand. Apply this to anything that you might have said that ugly word to - joint birthday party, their home-selling scheme, doing your make up, hiring them as your caterer/graphic designer/interior decorator etc.

3. Revenge - at some point of their lives, often college, they had an enemy. You in whatever ways remind them of that person that made their life hell at the time. They still hold the grudge but no longer have access to that person. They might have been a bully and your organising ways might remind them of this, They might have stolen their man/woman and your flirtatious popularity brings it all painfully back. They might have been the teacher´s pet and your enthusiasm to please reignites the resentment. To them, you ARE the representation of all that was wrong with their world at the time.



4. "Mirroring" - YOU don´t like THEM. They know. People always do. As much as we try to dress it up with a smile, our instincts ALWAYS whisper us in the ear "Did you see the way he looked at you?" / "You´re the only one he "accidentally" didn´t include in that mail" / "She purposefully disagrees with whatever you ever suggest to do in a group, no restaurant or time is agreeable to her if it´s proposed by YOU".

5. Jealousy - yes, this good old fashioned monster. They think you flirt/like their partner or vice versa. Or their friends - that you try to "seduce them away" and/or get on better with them. Or boss. That he/she appreciates you more than them. Or family, especially in case of siblings and brothers/sisters-in-llaw. You get the picture. 



Can you identify who´s who behind these 5 reasons of some of the people that just don´t like you? What about the other way around? :-) Do YOU dislike some people because of these?

Before asking how you could change this around, have a good long think if you really truly WANT to. Is it worth your while? Or, understanding these reasons, it makes it easier for you to just accept that whatever you do, some people, for their own reasons, will not like you. And it´s OK. The same way it´s OK for you to dislike some people too. 

There, another Taboo dealt with, next!! :)

If you do decide that you definitely WANT to resolve some of these issues with someone, of course don´t hesitate to contact me to help coach you through it. 

Your Coach Marina

miércoles, 27 de junio de 2012

7 Hábitos fáciles para un día más alegre


7 Hábitos fáciles para un día más alegre

Estos son algunos de los consejos más comunes u sencillos de la gente más positiva y feliz:

1.       Visualización: la noche anterior, antes de dormirte, imagina como quieres que te salgan las cosas al día siguiente – desde las conversaciones agradables con tus compañeros, hasta momentos románticos con tu pareja o risas con tus amigos

2.       Preparación: organízate bien para evitar estrés por la mañana, tener más tiempo y estar más a gusto, el día anterior eligiendo y planchando la ropa que te vas a poner, preparando todo lo que tendrás que llevar al trabajo o recados etc

3.       Desayuno: toma tu tiempo y disfruta de tus alimentos favoritos – corta una piña, prepara unas fresas o arándanos, un buen café, un croissant…– verás como tendrás mucha más energía y paciencia después!

4   Música: llena tu día de las melodías que más te animan y alegran desde que te despiertas hasta acostarte, prepara tu selección en tu mp3, ipad etc y sonríe con las emociones positivas que te provoca! (Y si cantas con mando a distancia en la mano y bailas a la vez, mejor que mejor!)

5.       Endorfinas: todos los días dedica un tiempo “sagrado” a comunicarte con por lo menos 1 persona que te hace sentir bien y te hace reír – lo mejor es en persona, pero si no, por teléfono, skype, mensajes – como sea, pero no te pierdas esta oportunidad de compartir momentos tan preciosos!

6.       Adrenalina: cada día prueba algo nuevo – puede ser una comida, bebida, una palabra en otro idioma, camino a casa o un color de corbata o pintalabios. O puede ser mucho más aventurero y probar actividades muy fuera de tu zona de confort, como hablar en público, reservar una escapada de última hora, montar a caballo…

7.       Solidario: hacer algo bueno para otra persona o para nuestro entorno nos hace sentir bien, útil y auto-realizados. Puede ser una pequeña aportación económica a una ONG, dedicar 20 minutos a escuchar a una vecina mayor o un amigo desahogarse sin interrumpir, dejar que alguien vaya delante de ti en la cola para la cajero, preparar una tarjeta, tarta u otra cosa hecha a mano y dedicarla con un mensaje a un ser querido que necesite un poco de ánimo!

miércoles, 30 de mayo de 2012

5 mitos más destructivos sobre La Autoconfianza


5 mitos más destructivos sobre La Autoconfianza

Estos últimos meses he hablado con más gente que nunca acerca de sus creencias sobre la Autoconfianza, para poder entender las dudas y necesidades que tiene la gente en cuanto a aprender e incrementar su Autoconfianza. Me he encontrado con estos 5 mitos más comunes que nos han estado perjudicando a la hora de mejorar la confianza en nosotros mismos. En breve os presentaré mi nueva pagina web, dedicada exclusivamente a este importante tema de la Autoconfianza:
  1. El más popular – con Autoconfianza se nace y no se hace:
    Obviamente nos ayuda mucho crecer con mayor autoconfianza cuando se nos lo enseña desde que nacemos, pero el mundo está igual de lleno de gente muy introvertida e insegura a quien les mimaron mucho desde pequeños, que de gente extra-ordinariamente carismática y segura de si misma, a pesar de una infancia y adolescencia llena de “malos tragos”. TODO se aprende y TODO se mejora con la práctica!
  2.  Autoconfianza significa no tener miedos.
    TODOS tenemos miedos. Pequeños y grandes. Importantes y totalmente superficiales. Algunos desde siempre y otros “adquiridos” hace poco. Autoconfianza se trata de hacer las cosas A PESAR de estos miedos y así ir superándolos.
  3.  Tener mucha Autoconfianza se percibe como Arrogancia.
    Autoconfianza es tener fe en ti mismo y tus fuerzas y habilidades y tu referencia para comprar eres tu mismo – ir superando tus propios límites y niveles. Arrogancia es compararte con los demás y sentirte por encima de ellos.
  4. Para tener Autoconfianza tienes que tener buena apariencia física, estar bien económicamente, tener un buen trabajo y muchos amigos.
    Mucha gente se esconde detrás de un físico, sus éxitos profesionales o una vida social envidiable para no enfrentarse a sus inseguridades. La tranquilidad interior viene desde dentro, desde un lugar que no depende de esos factores externos.
  5.  A una cierta edad ya es imposible cambiar.
    NUNCA es demasiado tarde para cambiar, aprender y mejorar. Como dicen - mejor tarde que nunca!! Con la mayor experiencia de la vida, la comprensión de los pilares principales se hace más fácil y aplicarlos les sirve de un excelente ejemplo a seguir a tus seres queridos


martes, 17 de abril de 2012

Perdón

Hoy ví una frase que he dicho varias veces a mis alumnos y clientes de Coaching y que suele provocar una reacción bastante emotiva en todos, creo que casi sin excepción:

"Muchas veces pensamos que el perdón es un regalo para el otro, y no nos damos cuenta de que los únicos beneficiados somos nosotros mismos. El perdón es una declaración que puedes y debes renovar a diario.
Muchas veces la persona más importante a la que tienes que perdonar es a ti mismo, por todas las cosas que no fueron de la manera como pensabas."


Al parecer, casi cada uno de nosotros lleva algo muy dentro que no nos hemos podido o querido perdonar. Un engaño, unas palabras muy feas, el no haber hecho algo para alguien o no haber protegido a un ser querido o alguien más débil que nosotros que nos necesitaba. Tal vez ese "alguien más débil" es uno mismo.

Este algo nos come por dentro, nos inquieta, nos hace querernos un poco menos. Nos hace buscar a otras personas o parejas "culpable" del misma "crimen" y "castigarles", todo en nuestros intentos de sentirnos mejor. 

Lo que propongo a mis clientes en estos casos, es un ejercicio muy simple y altamente eficaz: Hacer un trato. Un trato contigo mismo. Una promesa. Un precio que pagarás por ese supuesto "fallo" que te parezca razonable. 

Si los criminales se merecen un Perdón, una segunda oportunidad, no crees que es lo minimo que te mereces tu tambien? Da igual que hiciste, ahora ya te toca Perdonarte a ti mismo, Liberarte de ese feo sentimiento y Valorarte y Quererte más!!

Obviamente, hay miles y millones de ejemplos de "condena" o  "precio" que puedes decidir pagar - puede que sea algo que hagas para esa persona a la que fallaste, o por otra. O tal vez sea algo que no tenga nada que ver con ese "eror" - puede ser una buena acción cualquiera, o un reto personal para ti mismo. Tu serás tu propio juzgado y juez.

Pero, una vez que cumplas tu propia "condena" - TE TENDRAS QUE PERDONAR A TI MISMO!!!

Deal? 

miércoles, 11 de abril de 2012

Ali Meehan´s Secrets to a Positive Mind, Confidence and Success

Interview with Alison Meehan, founder of Costa Women

This is the first in the series of interviews with the people that inspire me the most in terms of their positivity, determination, confidence and vision that I´ll be sharing with you over the coming weeks and months. These interviews are part of my ongoing research for my Coaching and Training courses on a variety of subjects, such as Confidence, Motivation, Leadership, and Communication Skills.  I´m very grateful to everyone who has contributed their tips, advice and secrets to help me make my workshops, materials and sessions that much more enriched, practical, fun and effective. I´m sure you´ll enjoy this insightful interview as much as I did!
Alison, since I´ve moved to Marbella, you´ve been one of my inspirations for many reasons, but I think one of the main ones being your thorough consistency in delivering positive, motivational messages to women all around Spain – be it by weekly newsletter, your brilliant webforum, Tweets, Facebook group and I´m sure many others!
Sure, many of us do our best to spread some joy and positivity whenever we get the chance (and don´t get distracted by Facebook, phonecalls, Desperate Housewives etc!). But the consistency, the perseverance, the focus – now that´s a discipline that I believe makes that great difference in succeeding as much as your initiatives do.
First of all, Alison, tell us a little about you? Where are you based? How do you “earn your living”, what is your business all about?

Well firstly, thank YOU for the kind comments Marina!  As you will have gathered, I am hugely passionate about what I do so that drives the focus and the desire to show up.   Providing a platform for connecting women, promoting businesses and networking is something I love; its great to share the opportunities that are out there. 

Originally from the UK, I am now based in Los Boliches, and have lived here on and off since 2002.  We have moved about a bit in the interim (Dubai, Spain, Thailand and then back to Spain) but this is very much home! 

My working background is very diverse, but in Dubai I worked for an oil and gas business development consultancy where I learnt many different skill sets; including marketing and branding, sales and customer service, as well as working on a IT start up which was subsequently sold to an international Media House.  Most importantly, I learnt how to build a global community with multinational Clients.

In 2011 when we came back to Spain, my husband and I started a social media and ecommerce business with most of our Clients internationally based.  Social media fits so well with what I love; being social, media and networking, that I am one of those fortunate people that loves what they do.



And now, pray do tell, how do you manage this enviable consistency in your projects and communications? How do you stay on course, don´t get distracted, don´t get absorbed by life´s everyday chaos and mini-crisis etc?

Life does throw up the odd curve ball doesn’t it!  My career started in the legal profession where the need to stay focussed was key to success for your Clients and I have managed to keep a very disciplined approach to my working life since. 
Lists are the way to go… the more the merrier.  My handbag is full of notebooks all for different things LOL!  And I love notebooks (and books but don’t get me on that track!)
My personal motto is “The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do” (Sarah Ban Breathnach); as “Imagineer” at Costa Women, I am dreaming and doing; a great combination!

What about de-motivation and frustration? There must be plenty of moments when you don´t get the results or response you were hoping for and working hard towards. How do you keep up you excellent work and don´t give into these “lows” and doubts?

It can be quite lonely at times and I try to surround myself with people who I can talk to and turn to when the “moments” kick in.  Having worked in sales I am use the “new day” approach where you press the reset button and start again.
Sometimes as I post (to Facebook, Twitter and Costa Women), RT (retweet on Twitter) and blog I do have a panic attack of… is anyone out there! 

The worst critic is always you.  No one knows what I had, or have planned for Costa Women so if it doesn’t turn out exactly as I had hoped, well only I know that!   The challenge is to pick yourself up, rethink what you had planned and restart with a different perspective.



Now, one of my favourite subjects that so many of my clients have as one of their top objectives to work towards – Confidence. You seem to have bags of it – where do you get yours? How did you learn your fantastic self-confidence? What do you do on a regular basis to keep it up? Any special rituals or “tricks” that you work well for you?
Ahh confidence!  “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it” Maya Angelou and I so agree with her.  I am very positive now, but have suffered major crisis in my life over the years; things I thought I wouldn’t recover from.  Time is great healer. 

I made a conscious decision some years ago to only surround myself with positive people; it’s so easy to get entrenched into negativity and drained by someone or something (there are some dreadfully negative TV programmes and news articles; its your choice to connect with people, watch and read or disconnect, turn off and turn the page)  There are lots of positive initiatives ( for instance Pay it Forward, our Costa Women Gratitude Project, 365, The Happiness Project) and more accessible than ever due to the internet.  Generally people are very busy nowadays and its sad people don’t get time, or space to read anymore.  Blogs are a brilliant alternative, or how about spending a few minutes daily to think on a quote.

We have all got the chance to “become what we might have been”; its up to you to decide who you want to be, where you want to go, who you want to spend time with and become that person you always wanted to be.  Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself.   If you aren’t sure where even to start, find a coach who you are comfortable with and start to work through where you want to be in 1, 5 or 10 years from now.

What are your main objectives and challenges for this year ahead? What would you have me help you with as a Coach?

I’m very much a goal setter and do this throughout the year; as well as checking back as to how I have been doing on what I set earlier.  Making goals time specific is something people forget and then wonder why they didn’t happen.
Growing Costa Women in Spain; I have a personal goal of 1000 members before 31st December 2012 and it looks like we are heading for success!
To write a monthly blog and thanks to Family Life in Spain Magazine, 3Plus International and of course Costa Women, I am achieving this goal!
“One day is not a day” is a personal favourite quote at the moment that I am getting a lot of learning out of.  Planning ahead is something I have always done, but I am learning to spend more time realising that “To” day is more important than One Day and enjoy the ride!

My challenge for you Marina; would be advice on staying mindful.  One of my particular key lessons since 2011 has been to learn “mindfulness” - with mindfulness comes awareness, with awareness comes choice, with choice comes the ability to learn, grow and change.

Being creative is always a challenge, especially in “quiet” times and it’s that need to keep recreating and creating again which needs time and headspace to develop.  This year I have been travelling extensively, and that has given me some time to come up with some new ideas for Costa Women; including a possible new Costa Women group in another country… more to follow!

I know and love your Gratitude 365 project where every day you thank things and people for the different things – from your car to internet, to coffee and biscuits. How does it help you, what do you “get out of it”? 



Glad you are enjoying the Project! What better way to commit to a project than announcing it publicly hey; no pressure there then LOL!   That said, I have got so much out of being grateful that I could never have imagined.   There are days when it’s a struggle; that is silly really, as there is always something, someone, somewhere, or some event to be grateful for.  It’s getting the time to be still and appreciate life.  Mindfulness is the key (something I am learning… honest!).  What I have got out of it so far are real shifts in things in my personal life on a financial level as well as the support of the other members who have joined me in the project.  They may not post everyday, but I know they are there.

Many thanks for sharing your “secrets” and tips with us, Ali!! Is there anything we can “give back”, any particular message that we can help you spread, any page we can “like” or a project we could check out and participate in?

Costa Women has loads of space for new members and membership is free to too!   There are new initiatives being planned for meet ups in Granada, Costa Blanca, Barcelona and Marbella.  We have a new group meeting in Malaga too, called View from the Hills which has exploded; 50+ Facebook members in a little over a month!
You can find us at http://costawomen.ning.com/group/gratitude-project-365
Twitter: @costawomen
Google +: costawomen
Pinterest: costawomen
http://about.me/alimeehan

Thanks for the chat Marina; it’s been fun!